Comments on a Zodiac Change

Not really... please... that crap. Come on now.

It's halfway through January and I'm starting to get (mentally) ready for the spring semester. Only thing is it's so different this time. I'm graduating in 4 and a half months, and am not sure how I'm going to survive. Eh, like everything else I'll figure it out.

I'm student teaching this semester... so I'm more of a high school and elementary school teacher than I am college student... except without the paycheck. Wonderful.

I Wonder Why...

I wonder why I can't sleep right now. I mean, I laid down an hour ago, kinda thought I'd be asleep. Is it because...

a) I'm crushing again? Perhaps.

b) My friends are moving back tomorrow and I'm excited for their arrival? That's part of it...

c) The fact that my friends are moving back means it's the beginning of the end... Bingo!

It's 2011. With the clock striking midnight, I awoke from my drunken stupor and realized that this is what it means to be a member of the Class of 2011. On May 29th at noon, I graduate. I can no longer say, "oh it's so far away" or "oh it's not until next year" or "oh we have plenty of time left" because it's not true anymore. This is it. 5 months left to live it up before reality sets in.

I just hope I'm ready...

Spammers BEWARE!

Hey folks, I know it's been a while since my last post. I guess you could say that's because I'm settling into summer and nothing really interesting enough has happened that is blog worthy. If you said that, you'd be wrong. Really, very awesome stuff has been going on but I'm just too lazy to post it. I'll get around to it eventually.

It appears that there have been many spam comments being left on my blog. I don't like that. I'm now going to have to take action and delete all said comments as well as edit my own settings to make sure no spam is posted on this blog. Well, maintenance. I would very much appreciate not receiving spam comments, however I know I'm probably talking to a brick wall. Or a computer.

Updates coming soon.

Settling In

1. I have been living in my new apartment now for exactly one week. And I'm glad to say that I am ALMOST all settled in. After some nuts, crazy, ridiculous room swapping, cleaning, and moving, things are settling down and becoming the "status quo" for the summer, which I don't mind. All of my friends are moved in now and we are having fun in the apartment. That's all that matters, right?

2. I have been suffering lately from fluctuating confidence. I really don't want to over-think but I don't want to put stuff on the back burner so much that I under-think and miss yet another opportunity. The question remains, though: is there even an opportunity? I'm not wrapping my mind around that right now.

3. I am a worry-wart, even if there may be no reason to worry. I got my very generous Financial Aid Award package today and it looks like it will be plenty to survive on. Why, then, am I worried? I need to just live life day by day and take advantage of what I have right now while I plan ahead and balance my finances and then everything will be fine.

4. One hour from now, I have my first individual meeting with my Fulbright Advisor. I'm still questioning whether I want to do it, and I probably will discuss that with her. I really do want to embrace the opportunity of going overseas to teach for a year; do I want to do it after my fourth year or after my fifth? I'll figure that out in due time.

We're All In

Well, it's summer here in these parts, which means I can finally mellow out and slip into a routine of rest, relaxation, and a little bit of work. I of course have my to-do list for the summer months, which includes...
1. Completing my literature review for my senior thesis
2. Writing, rewriting, rewriting again, and once again rewriting my Fulbright personal statement. According to our adviser, 12 rewrites is a "good paper." Help me!
3. Getting in touch with my inner child and completing Pokemon HeartGold.
4. LOSE 25 POUNDS! (more details later...)
5. At least one epic road trip.

One unfortunate side effect of summer is graduating seniors. I was close with a number of individuals from the Class of "210," as my dean so poetically put it at Grad Commencement, and it is very very rough to see them go. I now understand truly why many older folk I know call commencement the most bittersweet moment of the year. Whether they are going for doctorates, going into teaching, working, coming back to school, or are not certain of what the future holds, I am confident that each of my graduated friends will see much success in their lives. They are all capable of doing wonderful things. Best of luck and keep in touch!

Now, on to the weight issue. I am comfortable with how I look, but I still need some work. With all the nonsensical family issues that plagued me this year, I lost track of being able to watch what I eat. Well, I'm intending on doing so now that I am in charge of my own diet. Therefore, here are just a few things I am planning:
1. Stop eating so damn much, fool! I do admit, I like to gorge myself on occasion (usually at Chinese buffets) . But that's stopping. I'm not going to eat until I am full anymore. Period.
2. NO MORE SODA! As of right now, my soda intake stops. I have tons of water (cases are like $3.50 at WalMart) and Sunny Delight courtesy of my buddy Andrew. I'll supplement that with some Hawaiian Punch and milk and whatnot and will be fine.
3. GYM! GYM! GYM! Unless there's something seriously going down after work, I'm going to the gym for at least an hour after work, Monday through Thursday. My plan is to do 30 minutes on an elliptical followed by 30 minutes of some upper body work. My lower body work will be done simply through walking to and from school daily.

Well, until next time.

If That's Moving Up Then I'm Moving Out

That's right. I'm finally all moved out of my parents' house! Well, they're moved out too, but that's another story that I do not wish to share in this blog. I officially moved out yesterday with a caravan of classy characters (alliteration) and all my stuff is sitting in the basement of my new house. I can't move in until next week because the current residents have a lease until then. So, I'm bumming beds off friends for the next week down at school; I am very grateful for all of them and all of the help I have been getting over this very testy period. Hopefully in a week, my life can begin to take on some semblence of normalcy. Once I'm moved in, I have to get started on some serious routinized nonsense. As soon as I'm in the new place, my diet begins. Cooking for myself means taking control of my diet. Add exercise and you'll have a lighter Troutman. Let's hope.

On the girl front... an interesting comment from a friend of mine. Apparently, she senses a "vibe" whenever I'm around a certain individual, a "reciprocal vibe." I need to investigate... I'm very scared to investigate because I don't want to take any vibes where they don't belong. We'll see. I'll probably just curl up into a ball and not do anything. Sigh.

Cardboard Exhaustion

I write to you all from my bed this evening. I've spent the entire day packing. Well, with the exception of a couple hours where I met some friends for foodstuffs. But still, it feels good to have accomplished something - even if that something took hours to develop. My academia and video games and sound system and everything else are currently in boxes - all that's left to tackle is clothing items. That'll be tomorrow. Or so I say.

Anyway, I'm enjoying my last two nights in my current residence. Then it's time to bum couches or beds or rooms for a week off my friends at school, followed by moving into my new house. I'd kinda like this whole process to be over with; once it's over with I will be ready to just chill and enjoy summer.

Semester in Review - Spring 2010

As I am writing this post, my junior year of college is complete. Wow. I repeat. MY JUNIOR YEAR OF COLLEGE IS COMPLETE!!! This semester has contained some of the most fantastic moments, most annoying moments, most downright wacky moments, and finally moments that are bringing about serious change in my life. In the finest of Jesuit traditions, I choose to reflect on them at this time.

1. My classes this semester were all elementary education all the time. It was like being in boot camp. We designed lessons for all content areas and even learned about how to teach English Language Learners. I do wish however that the classes were more spread out; at times it was like too much of a good thing. A lot of the information - especially near the end of the semester - was lost on me because I was just overwhelmed with assignments.

2. My research proposal for sixth grade math stands at 95% completion according to my advisor. I probably devoted more time to that this semester than I did to many of my four-credit classes, which will tell you something. The amount of work that it takes to get research on the ground is unbelievable. That factor will weigh somewhat heavily in my making the decision of what to do with my life after next May (which I will address in another post soon forthcoming). But hey, because my advisor is awesome, the process is a breeze (though really really rough). We'll see how the project develops over the summer months and how it comes to be following implementation in the fall. I'm excited about it, even if it makes me a nerd.

3. In about two weeks time, I will be moved into my new house in Scrantonia with four wacky gentlemen. It is guaranteed to be one hell of a time and I cannot wait. Oh yeah, embrace the change. That's what I'm doing. After all, it's not exactly political change (cough, cough, 2008).

4. I have decided to summarize this semester's component in my quest for a perfect love life as the semester of "WTF?!" Time after time after time did I have what I thought was a good, budding friendship that could potentially develop into something more. In every single instance, I was wrong. I wonder why I was wrong. Part of me refuses to care; I feel as though my heart has been trampled upon just one too many times these days. But part of me realizes that eventually things will fall into place... my patience says otherwise. When I was entering the semester, I was pretty sure I had something that was a "sure thing" relationship-wise. For those of you like lunaticraft and zcrescendo who saw this develop and then fall apart on the evening of the Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony, you'll remember how I went from high to low in a matter of ten minutes. "Crap, she brought friends. Crap, they're guys." Follow that up with... "Crap, both of them like her. Crap, she likes both of them." Follow that up with... "Screw this." Yeah, as I feared at the time, that kind of set the tone for the rest of the semester. No matter who I liked, if one can imagine a horrible way for that to go, one needs not imagine. Because it happened. Everything from that battle for the two guys sitting next to me, to liking a girl who just broke up with someone she'd been in a relationship with for a while, to liking someone who liked one of my good friends... it all happened. It's really gotta stop happening. Even as we speak, one of my friends wants to set me up with one of her friends. Quite frankly... I'm not feeling it. I now have to be the bad guy and communicate that sense of "not feeling it." Sigh. And then there's my other friend: a girl likes him, he doesn't like her. She's kinda cute. Send her my way, let's see what can be done. Eh, I'm kinda close to saying, "screw this." Overall. Seriously. Screw it. I'm done.

5. zcrescendo, my friend, save some of that Jell-Oh Puddin for me!

6. Tonight was my school's President's Breakfast, the night where all of the professors cook breakfast foods for us and we eat like pigs. I ate like a pig. I'm not feeling too hot at the moment.

7. It's almost time for Commencement-o-rama at my school. To all my graduating blog friends (including that guy who went to school not here), I offer my congratulations to four successful years (three or a fraction thereof spent with me knowing you) and I offer you the best wishes for success in whatever you choose to do next. Whether it's pursuing a Doctoral degree in your field of prefererence or it's not yet determined, all of you are very unique, special individuals. You all have amazing potential and fantastic things ahead of you, if you so choose to go after them. I'm sure I'll vocalize that in a not-so-corny way in the coming days and weeks.

As I said, I'm going to need to vent in the coming days about how I'm not sure what's going to happen to me after next year. But for now, I'm going to kick off my final REAL in-school summer in style: work, food, and friends.

Almost time to wrap it up

As I am writing this blog (and procrastinating completing my work), only two assignments stand in the way of summer vacation. Both are due tomorrow and I left vital materials for both assignments at my work, so I guess tomorrow will be the final fun marathon that I have to run. I need to write a research paper on any topic in Educational Psychology; the fact that I forced this paper to mirror my honors tutorial piece on Positive Behavior Support helps. And the final unit I need to prepare is for English Language Learners using a method far different than my preferred method of planning.

That reminds me... My semester in review will be soon coming.

I'm also contemplating spending a year abroad teaching English... not sure where.

We're gonna get so drunk that Terry Schaivo will seem conscious!

1. My God, it's May 10th. That means it is a mere three weeks (21 days) until I have to move into my new house on E Gibson Street with a colorful bunch of characters! And I cannot express my level of excitement in mere words alone. However, with my situation being drastically different than my housemates, there is a certain level of apprehension as the time nears. With my family relocating to the Upper Hudson River Valley near Poughkeepsie, NY, it's not gonna be like they're fifteen minutes away for me to pop in and say hi to. I'm going to miss out on many significant moments in my brother's and sister's life (i.e. the brother going through high school, the sister getting old enough to date - wait, no it's good that I'm gone for that one). Of course, I will make an effort to get out there and see them, but it's going to be very weird at first with them gone. I'll get used to it, of course, just have a bit of patience with me over the next couple of weeks while everything sorts itself out.

2. This past weekend rocked! A bunch of friends and I went mini-golfing up in the mountains to the north and with our sorry lot it's guaranteed to be a ridiculous time. As it was. Highlights of the evening include my buddy Ol' Lumpy getting harassed by preteens and good yummy greasy diner food! Oh yumminess indeed. Saturday night was our annual final band/choir combined concert down at school and it was, as is always the case, fun times and showcased talents. Afterward, we went down tuh duh bar (a phrase I am still not used to saying) for hours of fun and some excellent conversation, as well as some not-so-excellent conversation (see title). It included some "guys being guys" conversing about how love lives are not necessarily what we want them to be (or, in my case, existent).

3. This coming week will not rock. It's "Dead Week," which around these parts means no exams and time to study for finals. Well, for those lucky enough to be named fishy89 and have no finals, Dead Week becomes Finals Week. I HAVE SO MUCH CRAP LEFT TO DO THAT I AM BEGINNING TO PUSH THE "PANIC" SWITCH! And, given the move about to occur, my mind is not exactly on academia, as it should be. I'm hoping the move will result in stability that, among other things, will allow me to focus my mind on what it needs to focus on.

4. I'm starting to figure out what I want to do this summer adventure-wise, and I'm getting nothing. Albeit, living at E Gibson with 4 of my friends will be an adventure in of itself. I just need more. For lack of a better comparison, it's like in The Little Mermaid when Ariel wants to broaden her horizons and get out there and do something. Or, it's like in Beauty and the Beast where Belle "wants adventure in that great wide somewhere" or something along those lines. God, I need to come up with better examples. And some summer ideas. Food for thought? Please submit ideas!

5. Apparently I have been losing weight, which brings me to my actual summer initiative. I will drop a ton of weight (not literally) over the summer, because my focuses are going to be eating healthy -- maybe I'll eat healthy if I am feeding myself -- and utilizing the empty gym at my school. I'll be there for 40-hour work weeks anyway, so I may as well use the gym afterwards.

6. The "Affairs of the Heart Blog Point" - Empty as always, except for what I feel.

Well, that's all folks. Check back soon.

What do ya get when you cross a fish and a tiara?

I officially say it. zcrescendo, I have stolen your idea for the bullet-point blog format.

1. Yesterday was my 21st birthday! With it marked my initiation into the society of legal drinkers at ye olde local watering hole, and did my birthday get kicked off in an interesting way. I will not go into detail about the events that took place but will choose rather to dwell on one aspect of the weekend. To have almost twenty friends join me for dinner and to have, at points, upwards of thirty join me to ring in midnight is absolutely astonishing. Yes, at times I do feel left out and disappointed because my life is not exactly what I thought it would be at age 21, but it's moments like that that make me realize I am loved and cared about by other people. Sometimes, that realization can mean a lot. This weekend was one of those times. So, to all of you who in some way helped me celebrate my birthday, I thank you and know that you are awesome. (Even those of you who, because you didn't show up, got angry drunk voicemails at some point =D)

2. We are pulling into the home stretch for this semester, as they would say at the racetrack. The amount of work I have left is staggering. I have to go, as we say in ye olde music room, "balls to the wall" for the next fourteen days. There may not be enough hours in the day, especially for my two big research papers. Grr. Whatever, it will get done. That I know. Just, if you see me over the next couple weeks and I look exhausted, out of it, or stressed... that's why.

3. I hate group work. I was very fortunate to be placed in groups with people who are very responsible, but seriously, I'd like to get graded on work that is purely mine.. just once.

4. My heart is being made curious from multiple directions over the last couple of days, and it's not just the recently-discovered notion of alcohol speaking. I feel like as events occur that make me realize that some girl somewhere will make me happy - it will happen - it makes me want it to happen more. There's Girl A, the interesting freshman girl in ye olde orchestra, who is really pretty and I would like to get to know. Then there's Girl B, who I've gotten to hang out with a couple of times over the past weeks, realizing that on top of her very good looks she is also very funny and can have a damn good time. Then there's Girl C, who remains one of my good friends. *sigh* It's the end of the year, too, so let's see what happens. I'm, quite frankly, annoyed with myself for having feelings toward people when, really, all that's been happening this semester is the worst possible scenario for each individual case. If you know me, you know the deals there.

5. I really like the fact that I am not picky about my beer.

6. It's a mere 30 days until I move out into my own house. Oh. My. God.

7. Hey, zcrescendo, pass the Jell-OOOOh Puddin Pops, please?

Oh, hey, it's almost my birthday!

1. Saturday night was the big World Premiere Concert at school. Our composer was fantastic and our conductor was ridiculous. Concerts like that are always fun because it gives an opportunity for upwards of 100 individuals (including myself, lunaticraft, and zcrescendo) the opportunity to collaborate and have our individual talents contribute to a group success. As I near the end (relatively speaking) of my performing career, I realize that I take these opportunities for granted a bit too much.

2. The concert, of course, was followed up by our usual trip to Coopers. Hey, friends, I hope you got enough of your "pass the beer by fishy89" games, because they end next weekend!

3. We're starting to get toward the end of the semester here and I don't really like that so much.

4. Did I mention that my affairs of the heart are annoying?

5. No? Then I'll copy zcrescendo and profess my love for jello pudding pops. I don't think you've mentioned them in your last few blogs.

Here's Some Thoughts...

Well, it's been one long, exhausting day. This whole three classes in a day (2 @ 2 hr, 1 @ 1.5 hr) thing is really getting old, fast. Here is some food for thought that's been going through my mind.

Things are starting to happen a little bit fast. In my last post, I informed you readers that I am moving out of the house and that the parents are relocating themselves. Being that six months ago, I was unaware of any such changes, I am starting to get a tad overwhelmed about the soon-ness of all of this. And that overwhelmingness is really starting to intrude upon my daily life. I feel myself increasingly spacie in the wrong situations (i.e. during class and during rehearsal). I find myself becoming stressed out easier than normal, and that's annoying as all hell. That's one thing... when you build up this academic pedestal to stand on, you cannot take a break. And, right now, that is exactly what I need. I need a break from school, from home, and just some me-time. Throw in some friends, I always have time for them. Which is another thing. I really cannot ask for better friends. They've been around for my fall into psychotic neuroticism and are, surprisingly, still around! And I thank them for that. I thank them for their being someone to talk to throughout all of these events and hope that they continue to do so. I promise, as of June 1, I will return to normal. Hopefully all will be well then.

I am finding myself increasingly without balls. Like, seriously, I get it. On the romantic end, things tend not to work out for me... and it's my own damn fault most of the time. One would think that I would have all of the confidence in the world. However, as one of my friends put it, I have confidence in what I know I'm good at, and lack in confidence in what I haven't mastered, or proven my competency in. So, until I actually realize that my lack of confidence is unwarranted, or, to be blunt, full of shit, then the same shit will keep happening. And, I'm not prepared to let that happen.

Anyway, cue the countdowns:

18 days until my 21st Birthday!!!!!!!

49 days until my lease begins and I'm in my apartment!!!!!

Well, It's Been A While...

I'm going to steal zcrescendo's "main points" format for this post; it's needed...

1. I am going to be an independent liver of life come June 1, 2010! That's right! Independent liver of life. Here's the story... The NEPA region has proved futile for my parents' economically, so they're getting out. House just sold yesterday, pending mortgage agreement and whatnot, and they will be gone pretty soon. Which means...
a... I'm in an apartment for my senior and supersenior year at Scranton, which will be cool.
b... I'm a "real" college student from now on.

2. The last month has proved to be awesome because of two breaks thrown in there. Here's some of the stuff that's been going on...
a... HOCKEY! I've seen two Flyers games over the past month and, while I will NEVER trade in my Ranger blue, the games are fun. Fans are ridiculous in different ways.
b... BOWLING!
c... RANDOMNESS!

Well, I really wanted to pop on here to get point #1 out of the way, so, bye.